Unrequited

Love, you feel like worlds apart already. I’m proud of you, for wanting to know yourself; for singing your heart out and for serving the Lord. Whenever I look at you, my heart skips a beat. My eyes gravitate towards you and I kept thinking ‘what a handsome man God has made, what a good heart you must have’. I talked to you yesterday and I asked how you are and I always hope you’re okay. When you tried to offer your hand when I’m about to jump from the riser, I did not grab it. But I was looking at you and for a moment; it feels like there’s only me and you. Your voice is music to my ears, whenever you laugh and talk, makes me happy without you knowing it. But yesterday, I saw a glimpse of something, a dead end. I felt like whatever we have right now which is nothing; is what we’re menat to have for the rest of our lives. It’s tearing me inside and out byt I have to accept things and try to be happy also. Just like how I felt happy when I saw a glimpse of you being my only man in this life that God has given me.

I miss the feeling of getting to know by someone.

It feels like a long lost memory.

For today, I’m a little too much for the world. Not all people will understand.

I’m a little too peculiar for the world to see.

I’m a little too kind for the world to care.

I’m a  little too loud for the world to hear.

I’m a little too much of anything I can think of, and no one will notice.

But I’m looking forward.

I’m back! Hoping to not leave again.

I rest for a while..

I’m going back now.

I’ll write again. Because I’ve gathered enough pains to turn into words and letters.

And while I’m still remembering my hashtags and categories, I know I’ll write again. Because I am trying to find my missing pieces. I know it’s clichè, being broken into pieces. But there’s always those times that life gives you some things that make you think you shattered inside; those things and moments are part of life.

It is up to you how to turn it into weapons for after those moments, life might give you something stronger. You might need a weapon. 

​It’s been a long day. 
Nagkaroon ng concert ngayon. Celebration ng Christ the King at pagtatapos ng jubilee year of mercy. It’s all worth it. Lahat ng mga pagod sa praktis which is hindi naman talaga ramdam, nag payoff. Si Lord, dahil sa kanya lahat ng yan. 

Runaway with me, will you? Oh, and one more thing, will you stay?

It’s hard to wait. I know.

But now I also know that, I’m not anymore afraid to love. To love and be happy or be hurt. I will wait even if it takes forever. I will love a man who deserves all the love I can give.

I’ll kiss. No matter how bad I think it’s gonna be. I’ll kiss slowly, intimately and gently. Because that’s how I want to receive the first kiss.

I will hold his hand and never let it go, except when he needs to pee. But kidding aside, I will never let go of the hand I have waited for too long and still waiting for I don’t know how long.

I already cut my hair super short expecting him to come before all the hair reaches my back. But now it’s almost all over my back. I was a fool to give love my own timeline. It can never work that way. If it takes more cutting of hair before I meet him, then so be it. I just pray I will meet him at the right length of my hair.

When the day comes I meet him, I would want him to runaway with me.

Something Borrowed,2011

When there is really such a good movie, I can’t help but write a blog entry about it.

What is something that can be borrowed?

Is it a thing, a person, the time, the feelings?

Maybe the answer is; all of it.

Why’s loving a person sometimes becomes so complicated? Why can’t it be something that when you feel the first signs of love for a person, it will eventually work out for the both of you? What If you fall for the person and automatically that person falls for you too? Why do we fall on harder roads most of the time?

Why’s risking a little too hard? Why do we have multiple options sometimes? Why’s love genuinely complicated?

Maybe it’s because when love is real, it is something that is complicated enough to be treasured for eternity.

I know how it feels to be overwhelmed by a complicated love affair. To let yourself be dragged into anything even though you know you’re more than that, you’re-smarter-than-this kind of feeling.

We all deserve to be happy. We know that inspite of all the doubts we throw upon ourselves, we still believe that we deserve to be happy and that is the main reason we allow ourselves to do the things that we think can make us happy.

We sometimes fall into being an option instead of being the first choice. And it’s okay to take risks. At the very least we will be able to say that we’ve tried. And if in the end it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t but if it does, and it’s really meant to be, it will go greatly.

Life’s an interconnected web says someone I read from one of my syllabus. You might be an option to someone but someone out there might choose you and nobody else. You just have to trust and see; that love; like any other things in this world has its permanent pattern. And what I mean is:

Everything’s always in perfect balance.