Over and over again, I realize that life is too short.
I’ve heard of a younger schoolmate of mine that recently passed away. A vehicular accident. Just like that, in a blink of an eye. I wonder if she knew somehow that it was already time for her to leave. I don’t know her but I pray that she may rest in peace…
While some days ago, I dreamt of myself died. I drowned in a pool on one of our family gatherings, I think. It was set in a dark night in the middle of a province. In some ways, I believed it was real. I knew in that dream that I am actively thinking and my brain is slowly draining. In that moment, it was my soul that was perceiving things. In dreams like that, I was expecting myself to realize that I was in a nightmare.. I was too absorbed that I forgot to think straight. I was miserable for my sudden death because I knew I still had a lot of things that i want to do. Dreams, responsibilities, my family, my future. I don’t want to die yet. I am not yet ready. My family needs me. And at that moment, I saw my dead body. It was creepy. Typing this is a little weird. I don’t even want to write this, but anyway; I didn’t actually see my lifeless body because it was inside a body bag. That was the time that I realized i should calm down and try to accept things because I can never come back.
And a few seconds later, my eyes slowly opened. Thank God it was just a dream. I can’t thank God enough for letting me live another moment.
The message of this dream is obvious. I have to live life each day like it is the last. . But it’s hard. Most of the time, days doesn’t feel right, people doesn’t feel right, i don’t feel right. And the feeling in that dream was solid, I think I can answer my question in the first paragraph. Sudden deaths are the ones we can never tell.
I pray that God will give me more time, not only me but the ones who need more time. I still want to be a hope for humanity. I don’t want to be just another soul. I want to do more. To breathe God more. I want to work hard to feel God more.I want to persevere towards being a good christian. And I will never be contented with my faith. Because right now, it is too small; too fragile and vulnerable.
May God guide me with everything, and I pray that everything that happens to me is in accordance to His will.
P.S. I think it is His amazing grace that the moment I am writing the first paragraphs, there is fear swelling inside me. And the moment I am typing the last, that fear is slowly fading… How great is our God!