Hi. again. wordpress.

Wala na akong ibang mapagsusumbungan sa oras na ito kundi ikaw lang.

Ang hirap pala talaga.

To try build friendships na may motibong magtuloy sa more than friendship kind of friendship.

Magulo ba? pero iyan talaga e.

I hate myself for trying with a total stranger from somewhere in the net.

Yeah, i know i know. The idea is really stupid. To try my luck on the internet but that’s what people do nowadays ‘di ba?

Why will I try to stop myself from trying to be a happy woman that I’m actually struggling to become?

So there i was, I’m trying. despite the fact na alam ko naman na God is just trying to spare me with these people na hindi talaga para sa akin.To avoid unnecessary aches and pain.The usual reason ng mga magulang kung bat nila pinagbabawalan yung mga anak nila in some things. But as a young daughter would do, there are always these times na parang gusto mong magpasaway and try the things na feeling mo mageenjoy ka kahit na sinabihan ka na wag mong gagawin dahil alam na nila na hindi mabuti yung kakalabasan ng ganyan.

And then there’s this guy. Trying to make me believe that I am beautiful in his eyes no matter what, blah blah and the normal lines that guys would usually throw at girls who they want to pick up? Is that supposed to be the term for that? Well, I am in fact discouraging this guy with his pambobola and all. Although sometimes, I want to believe that he is sincere in what he’s saying because I am thirsty of all of those. i am not accustomed to guys being like that with me. Parang gusto kong paniwalaan na lang at some point because that’s what i want to hear from a guy. Pero deep inside, and in all the sides, alam ko na he’s just trying to get my attention, pero wala naman talagang sincerity involved. You’ll know when you heard one.

So after a long while, I tried entertaining this guy to see how I am in this kind of situation because I forgot how it once felt to be a special someone to the other person and I want to know who he really is. Not just from the outside but i want to see the soul of that person.

What does he look like?

It is never what I will want to wish for in a guy. But you know, physical only says 1/100 things about a person so I let myself be responsive to him in how many days.

But with my luck, do not expect a happy ending.

Kagabi, i am trying to write things about how will you know, or can you really know if he’s your Mr. Right. Sino ba kase to? Ang dami ding naghahanap sa tao na ‘to. pero paano mo talaga malalaman? Most of the time, the mind can be deceiving e. Will the heart provide the answers?

Maybe most people I know sasabihin nila, ‘In the right time, God will give you the right person.’ Tama naman talaga ‘to. I don’t really worry about things because I want to believe na buong buo yung trust ko kay Lord pagdating sa ganito. Pero like all the people, my so-called-trust, ay flawed pala talaga. Because I tried to go on my own way and; you know. Try kahit na alanganin at medyo hindi pasok sa pinaniniwalaan ko. Because I will probably not do that if I only stick to what I believe.

I believe din na your purity will be the greatest gift na maibibigay mo sa kabiyak mo. And I don’t care kung wala nang ganito ngayon. Dahil hindi na cool at this era. Alam kong maraming hindi makakaunawa ng pinaglalaban ko but I believe na, maiintindihan ako ng taong nakalaan talaga para sa akin.

So fast forward things, alam ko na hindi talaga siya. It all came back to me and fortunately, it’s still early na hindi pa naman ako attached talaga. Pero masakit din for trying to build my hopes up na sa wakas may guy na nakakita sakin, hooray! But no. That was a false hope.

Thank you for listening, Good night!



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Hi, I'm j, 21 years of age. I am a fresh graduate of architecture. I want to explore life to the fullest. And if you want to talk to me, please do. jannapalad@gmail.com

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