To the man I pray to God for,

Good things come to those who wait.

I’ve waited for long, for you dear.

Like waiting for a rainbow after a storm, I know you will be here, at the right moment.

Occasionally, I’m thinking of giving up. I get tired of meeting new people who’s not you. Not even close.

But everything happens for a reason, right? The same way we meet the wrong people for the right reasons.

Someday, I will understand…

Why it never worked with anyone else.

Why it failed while it never actually begun.

Why I confessed my love for a person who doesn’t even care a bit.

Why other guys have to date me, but not choose me.

Why I turn down some people.

Why I don’t believe in second chances.

Why I believe in fate.

Why I believe in love.

And why am I still holding on.

Slow motion yet so fast

Ayokong makalimutan to, now, I am 21, I was once with you.

Papasok tayo sa sinehan, maghahanap ng uupuan. Hinawakan mo yung kamay ko. Natatandaan ko, the way my fingers slowly filled up the spaces between your fingers.

It is more than nakakakilig, yung feeling.

Pakiramdam ko secure na secure ako and safe with you by my side.

Hindi ko din napigilan hawakan yung kamay mo all throughout. Hindi ako nakapagconcentrate sa movie.

Nakuha mo yung loob ko. Wala akong pinapansin na iba, ikaw lang. Ang swerte mo? Halos nakikita ko rin yung sarili ko na katabi mo for the rest of my life. Konting push pa. kaso naging mabilis ang lahat. Nakakaloka.

Inamin ko din na gusto kita. Gusto kong sagipin ka sa heartbreak na baka mapala mo sa kanya. Pero mukhang sakin pala babagsak yung heartbreak na yon.

Biglang naramdaman ko, nagstep back ka. Dahil ang easy-to-get ko ba? Naniniwala ka ba na when she’s easy, she’s not gonna be worth it? Naniniwala ka ba na ang EZ ko? Na hindi ako magiging worth it? Kase ang bilis kong nahulog.log..log… E anong gagawin ko? Yun din naman talaga yung nararamdaman ko. Magpapabebe ba talaga dapat ako? Shet kala ko di na uso yon. Hindi din naman ako sigurado pa kung mahal ba kita dahil ang bilis bilis diba? Pero tanong ko sa sarili ko, kung iyon na ang huling araw ko sa mundo, ipagkakait ko pa ba sa’yo ang mga salitang “Gusto din naman kita..

Para sa akin, worthy ka. Parang naramdaman ko na mas masaya siguro kung magiging parte ka ng buhay ko. Imagine the things na pwede natin gawin together. Exciting! Pero nagaalangan ako, kung magiging masaya ka nga sakin.

Kasi ang gulo gulo mo.Naisip ko na mukhang hindi ko kayang ipilit to. Parang chaos, kumplikado. Parang hindi pa panahon. . tamang panahon.

Hindi pa din kita kilala. Nagtake na naman ako ng risk. Napaka gaga. Ganyan ako kaadventurous. Bat ko naman pipigilan yung sarili ko na sumama sa taong may tiwala naman ako. Yan, dito yata ako laging talo. Sa ganitong mind setting.

Pero nagkamali nga ba ako sa’yo? Katulad ka rin nga ba ng iba?

Naisip ko na lang na sana bigyan tayo ulet ng chance. Kung talagang tayo ha. Sa ibang lugar at ibang taon. Sana makilala kita ulet.Yung okay ka na, at mas okay na ko; sa isang coffee shop habang nagbabasa ako ng libro o sa restaurant o sa mall. Yung wala kang ibang kasama, at ako din ganon.

Hindi ako umaasa at this point pero sana mabigyan lang ulet ng pagkakataon.

We are not getting any younger.

Pero kung hindi naman na, okay lang din. Thank you for the little happiness.

Yun lang,

jhols.

Hi,

Have you seen Him? Have you found God in your soul?

If not still, do come find me.

Let’s look for Him together.

I long for you already.

There’s no better way to watch the sunset but with you.

There’s no better way to drink a cup of hot coffee but with your presence hotter than it.

There’s no better way to watch a movie but with me holding your hand all throughout.

Where are you right now?

I hope you find me. Coz it’s getting colder here. My heart’s freezing all alone. I’m afraid it’s slowly dying in the hopes of you.

This isn’t just a metaphor.

This is how it feels without you yet.

To the man I pray to God for,

In times like this, I always want you more.

I love you even if I don’t know you yet. I love writing letters for you. I feel it in my heart, the longing for you. It’s been 21 years.

When can I see you? Are we destined to live long lives, that’s why we still haven’t met yet? Will I ever meet you? Will we spend many years of our lives together? While I am writing this down, I can feel you wanting me also. I hope this feeling isn’t just psychological.

For the last few months, I am resisting the urge to write for you mainly because I really don’t know if I should be writing to you. What if I am destined to serve God, and He’ll ask me to sacrifice you? I can never say No to that. I’ll joyfully say yes. In anything that’s for a greater good, I will never doubt on sacrificing you. I hope you understand. So if so much years have gone by and we never met, maybe that is why.

But from now on, I will be writing letters for you. You are my escape in this dull world of mine. Don’t get me wrong. The world is so beautiful. Every single color I see will always be a reason for me to sing and smile. But without you, it’s just plainly there. I know it’s beautiful but I am having a hard time appreciating its existence. Know that I didn’t so much waste many time with some other guys. I almost never did. Because I am waiting for nobody else but you.

I am already yawning, my love. It’s 2:37 am. My escape time.

I’ll go to sleep.

see you soon,

To the man I pray to God for,

Right now, you are my greatest wish. God knows about this. But it is a brave wish. I cannot imagine myself being so happy with you. Because I cannot even remember if there is a time that I am truly happy for myself. Things like that for me, are too hard to find.

You are my courageous wish. The only wish that I think will give me the real meaning of happiness in this world.

You are my selfish wish. To wish for you makes me guilty for wanting the person that I don’t deserve. Guilty for wishing for someone like you to come into my life and bring me my miracle. Because I never really wished anything for myself for the longest time. And it makes me feel selfish for wanting something that is far beyond what I deserve. But I can’t help it.

You and i is almost an impossible concept. But I trust that our angels find a way for us to meet. Please do know that because of you, I am persevering so hard to find God, obey Him, I am even trying to believe that He will turn me into a swan one day to complement you. It’s almost the end of April, 2016. Will I ever meet you? But nevertheless, know also that I pray for you everyday of my life, whether you are destined to know me or not.

Sincerely,

me

To the man I pray to God for,

Allow me to write a letter for you. Because of the many reasons.

I still don’t have any idea who you are going to be or if you ever exist. I don’t know if I already have met you and I am not sure if I want to. I really am afraid that I m waiting for a love story that doesn’t even exist.

If you ever wonder when and how I am writing this, I will tell you. Today is April 13, 2016 (I just checked my phone calendar, I thought it’s still the 12th.) at 2:07 am.

I want you to know that every time a spark of hope comes across my mind about you, the hopes of a knight in shining armor, a shoulder to lean on, my home in your arms, I always kill it. I feel like I don’t deserve this kind of man. All these years there is an empty space in my emotions. I feel alone in situations where you might be of great emotional relief to me; the way I might be of help to yours..There are these personal wars that I fought and still fight but still, you aren’t here.

But not that I rush things. I am now 21, and I am still too young, maybe you are too. Nothing’s too late for me and I like it. I still can see the wide stretch of the horizon for me, the long journeys I should take. But the path where I am standing now is a crossroad. I don’t know where life will take me but I do know that I am in a period of great transition.

Considering that I deserve a great love story, I will entertain this hope that one day, I get a chance to live with you for the rest of my life. I wanna know many things about you and with you..

I wonder, always, how are you? Will you be able to read this? What are you doing now? Are you with someone else? How tall are you? I hope you are much taller than me because I’m a little short. How do you look like? Where do you live? Do you like watching movies? cause I do. What do you think of Harry Potter or Transformers or Koreanovelas? Do you believe in God? When the time comes, I’ll make sure you will know me too. Where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing, how I do things, what I like, what I don’t like. And I hope it’s alright. Because I love talking to people that I love.

I cannot wait to be with you! I have so much I want to do with you! If you are expecting to read it after this, no. I’m not writing it down. It will be too long for sure. It’s too time consuming and I am sleepy, love. But I do hope that we get an adventurous one. I am not the type who’ll go for the usual. I like thrills, fun and some drama. (I’m not talking about movies, it’s the pre-relationship and the relationship). I hope this is not so unrealistic, and if it is, there’s nothing I can do.

I promise I won’t hurt myself and my heart. When we finally meet, I will make sure I am worth it. I will make sure I am worth the wait. And I will love you like you are the only man. Because I know that you are to be God’s gift to me.

Take care of yourself. When the right time comes, I can finally take good care of you. Please pray for us.

All the Love,
jholie