To the man I pray to God for,

In times like this, I always want you more.

I love you even if I don’t know you yet. I love writing letters for you. I feel it in my heart, the longing for you. It’s been 21 years.

When can I see you? Are we destined to live long lives, that’s why we still haven’t met yet? Will I ever meet you? Will we spend many years of our lives together? While I am writing this down, I can feel you wanting me also. I hope this feeling isn’t just psychological.

For the last few months, I am resisting the urge to write for you mainly because I really don’t know if I should be writing to you. What if I am destined to serve God, and He’ll ask me to sacrifice you? I can never say No to that. I’ll joyfully say yes. In anything that’s for a greater good, I will never doubt on sacrificing you. I hope you understand. So if so much years have gone by and we never met, maybe that is why.

But from now on, I will be writing letters for you. You are my escape in this dull world of mine. Don’t get me wrong. The world is so beautiful. Every single color I see will always be a reason for me to sing and smile. But without you, it’s just plainly there. I know it’s beautiful but I am having a hard time appreciating its existence. Know that I didn’t so much waste many time with some other guys. I almost never did. Because I am waiting for nobody else but you.

I am already yawning, my love. It’s 2:37 am. My escape time.

I’ll go to sleep.

see you soon,


To the man I pray to God for,

Right now, you are my greatest wish. God knows about this. But it is a brave wish. I cannot imagine myself being so happy with you. Because I cannot even remember if there is a time that I am truly happy for myself. Things like that for me, are too hard to find.

You are my courageous wish. The only wish that I think will give me the real meaning of happiness in this world.

You are my selfish wish. To wish for you makes me guilty for wanting the person that I don’t deserve. Guilty for wishing for someone like you to come into my life and bring me my miracle. Because I never really wished anything for myself for the longest time. And it makes me feel selfish for wanting something that is far beyond what I deserve. But I can’t help it.

You and i is almost an impossible concept. But I trust that our angels find a way for us to meet. Please do know that because of you, I am persevering so hard to find God, obey Him, I am even trying to believe that He will turn me into a swan one day to complement you. It’s almost the end of April, 2016. Will I ever meet you? But nevertheless, know also that I pray for you everyday of my life, whether you are destined to know me or not.