Why Nobody Holds My Hand Romantically Yet

I realized that God does not let any man hold my hand yet, because He wants to hold it Himself for as long as He can. And He would only let other man to hold me when He knows that that man will let God hold both of our hands.

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Purity. Charity. Humility. Faith.

Those four words are the dearest to my heart and soul.

There’s so much sufferings behind those. In which I would want to endure for the next years of my life.

I saw these words once again in a special someone’s profile. There’s so much happiness seeing it there. It’s such a relief knowing that there are people who believe in those too.

My perspective in life is slowly changing. And I hope for the best.For me, nothing else really matters here on earth but the four words.Purity, charity, humility and faith. The money, education, beauty and other worldly sorts do not sound appealing anymore. Although, I dream of it and I plan for it all for the next years of my life because I want to pay back the sacrifices of my loved ones.
Yes I have plans. But i don’t really care so much. I know that God will take me to anywhere I am meant to be. He is my compass. I do want Him to navigate my life so I will continue to live fearlessly.

But I hope that he take me to that person who reminded me of those four words.

Hanggang Kailan?

Yung ‘i miss you’ na yan,

yung ‘i love you’ na yan,

nararamdaman mo pero ang hirap hirap sabihin.

Ang hirap hirap aminin.

Madalas nauuna yung takot mo,

sa isang bagay na hindi ka sigurado sa kahahantungan,

sa kalalabasan,

Nakakapanghina ng loob.

Nakakatakot ding isipin.

Nakakakaba;

na baka mamaya, sabihin mo nga sa kanya pero hindi naman pala kayo parehas ng nararamdaman.

Na baka hindi mo pa kayang sumugal dahil takot kang masaktan at matalo.

Pero hanggang kailan?

Hanggang kailan ka magpapadaig sa nararamdaman mong takot at pag-aalangan?

Hanggang kailan mo papatunayan sa sarili mo ang bisa ng nararamdaman mo?

Hanggang kailan ka maninimbang at maninigurado?

Hanggang makalimutan mo, yung nararamdaman mo?

O hanggang mawala na siya ng tuluyan dahil sa maraming pwedeng kadahilanan?

Isa sa dalawa,

Pwedeng aminin mo, pero masasaktan ka.

O kaya aminin mo tapos ganon din pala ang nararamdaman nya.

Pero san ka ba mas magiging handa?

Sa kung masasaktan ka,

O sa posibilidad na magbago na ang ikot ng mundo mo dahil sa kanya?

Young Love

I was young.

Without too much thoughts,

I loved you.

A love that was gentle and delicate.

A love that I don’t want to admit.

It was a love with innocence.

It was fearless, and reckless,

rebellious and foolish.

Yet without second thoughts,

you broke me.

In a shattered hour of supposedly great love,

you bravely torn me apart .

5 years passed me by.

I knew it was hard.

I was left empty and swollen,

from the cuts and bruise.

I forgot how it once felt.
But with each passing year,

you tried to come back to me

thinking maybe it was easy.

But it never was,

and never will be.


And then here I am.

made whole and full by the broken pieces,

am assembled better through faith

and was lifted up by the wings

of different kinds of love.


Here you are.

too much broken and shattered.

You let other women in your life like it was a reward.

But in every one of them,

a tiny piece of you

that you let them take with them and destroy.


Now you keep realizing things

when its too much late.

you keep coming back to me

hoping I’ll tend to you

and mend you

but i wouldn’t.

I don’t think I can.

I’m not all about foodtrips, and travels, and any material things. I’m all about kisses, sunsets, warm hugs, conversations, letters (the highest material thing I would really want) a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, you, basically you.

I love you and I need you and I want to be with you. And I want you to take my hand and walk me home. i want you to take me out on a date and go to places not familiar to us and be familiar to it together. I want us to drive aimlessly until we get tired and decide its time to head back. i want to talk to you all night and share the things that we value most. I want to wake up in your arms and never let go. I want to fight with you and be sweeter 30 minutes later. I want you. I want to be with you

.

-Things I write to no one in particular.