Hanggang Kailan?

Yung ‘i miss you’ na yan,

yung ‘i love you’ na yan,

nararamdaman mo pero ang hirap hirap sabihin.

Ang hirap hirap aminin.

Madalas nauuna yung takot mo,

sa isang bagay na hindi ka sigurado sa kahahantungan,

sa kalalabasan,

Nakakapanghina ng loob.

Nakakatakot ding isipin.

Nakakakaba;

na baka mamaya, sabihin mo nga sa kanya pero hindi naman pala kayo parehas ng nararamdaman.

Na baka hindi mo pa kayang sumugal dahil takot kang masaktan at matalo.

Pero hanggang kailan?

Hanggang kailan ka magpapadaig sa nararamdaman mong takot at pag-aalangan?

Hanggang kailan mo papatunayan sa sarili mo ang bisa ng nararamdaman mo?

Hanggang kailan ka maninimbang at maninigurado?

Hanggang makalimutan mo, yung nararamdaman mo?

O hanggang mawala na siya ng tuluyan dahil sa maraming pwedeng kadahilanan?

Isa sa dalawa,

Pwedeng aminin mo, pero masasaktan ka.

O kaya aminin mo tapos ganon din pala ang nararamdaman nya.

Pero san ka ba mas magiging handa?

Sa kung masasaktan ka,

O sa posibilidad na magbago na ang ikot ng mundo mo dahil sa kanya?

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Flat Broke

So yesterday went something like this.

This girl in a brown v-neck shirt and a joggerpants and blue slippers fetched her once dead laptop in a pc repair shop in the city. It’s working again. Thank God because that girl can’t afford a new one and almost can’t afford the repair price.

That’s why she needed to calm down and find some way to de-stress herself because she’s broke. She’s flat broke..she’s…

Anyway,

She bought herself foods, plural form. foods. She managed to have some extra money, thankfully.

Plus,

She took herself to a movie. To watch the last full show of ‘Imagine You and Me.’*Insert victory smile of a girl* Though, she can’t really smile the same way like before.

Although she had to queue and curse the situation silently for 45 minutes just to watch the last full show yesterday,still, it was a great movie! For two hours, she forgot she was flat broke.

After the movie, she didn’t want to go home yet. So she went to a convenience store to buy some 330 ml. alcomix

Girl: Can you open the bottle now?

Cashier: What? Where are you gonna drink this?

Girl: Outside.

Cashier:*sarcastic smile* oh, while walking?

Girl: ‘Course not, (idiot, inside her head)

and drank it in front of a fastfood resto. Crazy, indeed.

Then she walked to where she’s supposed to ride a jeepney back home.

And she went home with her heavy laptop slinged across her body.

Young Love

I was young.

Without too much thoughts,

I loved you.

A love that was gentle and delicate.

A love that I don’t want to admit.

It was a love with innocence.

It was fearless, and reckless,

rebellious and foolish.

Yet without second thoughts,

you broke me.

In a shattered hour of supposedly great love,

you bravely torn me apart .

5 years passed me by.

I knew it was hard.

I was left empty and swollen,

from the cuts and bruise.

I forgot how it once felt.
But with each passing year,

you tried to come back to me

thinking maybe it was easy.

But it never was,

and never will be.


And then here I am.

made whole and full by the broken pieces,

am assembled better through faith

and was lifted up by the wings

of different kinds of love.


Here you are.

too much broken and shattered.

You let other women in your life like it was a reward.

But in every one of them,

a tiny piece of you

that you let them take with them and destroy.


Now you keep realizing things

when its too much late.

you keep coming back to me

hoping I’ll tend to you

and mend you

but i wouldn’t.

I don’t think I can.

Behind the Cathedral

She was there.

If she cannot find her, she looks for her there.

She sometimes find her,

with a pen in her hand and a paper.

She writes. She just writes.

She can see her but she will never bother.

she lets her be.

Lets her drown deeper and deeper in her thoughts and feelings.

She knows that she thinks that nobody can understand her but the pen and paper in her hand.

She saw her, she just writes.

Letting the feelings flow in her bloodstreams through the pen in her right hand.

She saw her sit on the bench and thought she’ll never look at that bench the same way again.

Because it feels like hers.

She saw her scribble, faster and faster.

Afraid that her thoughts might suddenly escape and leave her hanging in the open; forgotten.

She saw her gaze up;,

and she stood up and walk by her own; alone and no one will bother.

 

Hi,

Have you seen Him? Have you found God in your soul?

If not still, do come find me.

Let’s look for Him together.

I long for you already.

There’s no better way to watch the sunset but with you.

There’s no better way to drink a cup of hot coffee but with your presence hotter than it.

There’s no better way to watch a movie but with me holding your hand all throughout.

Where are you right now?

I hope you find me. Coz it’s getting colder here. My heart’s freezing all alone. I’m afraid it’s slowly dying in the hopes of you.

This isn’t just a metaphor.

This is how it feels without you yet.