Something Borrowed,2011

When there is really such a good movie, I can’t help but write a blog entry about it.

What is something that can be borrowed?

Is it a thing, a person, the time, the feelings?

Maybe the answer is; all of it.

Why’s loving a person sometimes becomes so complicated? Why can’t it be something that when you feel the first signs of love for a person, it will eventually work out for the both of you? What If you fall for the person and automatically that person falls for you too? Why do we fall on harder roads most of the time?

Why’s risking a little too hard? Why do we have multiple options sometimes? Why’s love genuinely complicated?

Maybe it’s because when love is real, it is something that is complicated enough to be treasured for eternity.

I know how it feels to be overwhelmed by a complicated love affair. To let yourself be dragged into anything even though you know you’re more than that, you’re-smarter-than-this kind of feeling.

We all deserve to be happy. We know that inspite of all the doubts we throw upon ourselves, we still believe that we deserve to be happy and that is the main reason we allow ourselves to do the things that we think can make us happy.

We sometimes fall into being an option instead of being the first choice. And it’s okay to take risks. At the very least we will be able to say that we’ve tried. And if in the end it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t but if it does, and it’s really meant to be, it will go greatly.

Life’s an interconnected web says someone I read from one of my syllabus. You might be an option to someone but someone out there might choose you and nobody else. You just have to trust and see; that love; like any other things in this world has its permanent pattern. And what I mean is:

Everything’s always in perfect balance.

To All the Young Women,

Dearest ladies and gentlemen (if there are guys reading this),

I just want to share something to you.

A moral, a love advice or whatever you call this. This is a personal thing for me but I am happy to share this.

I am just 21 years old. I cannot say that I have experienced a lot in relationships because I am the type of person that does not go into easy relationships, I mean, I don’t easily enter the romance thing with another individual unless I know that I unconditionally love and I am ready to seriously commit to that person.Right now, I haven’t felt it yet but I know that maybe someday, I will.

For me, too much heartaches are not requirements for us to grow and learn. Too much is never gonna do us any good.The right amount of pain can teach us things we need to remember; that is the reason why we have powerful minds to guide us along our journey.

Life is about choices. Our one choice leads to another (Nicholas Sparks, The Choice). We need our God-given minds to help us with our everyday decisions; in deciding what to wear, where and what to eat, if you are going to wash your hair or not and so many more; and it is always there. The mind never leaves the body, but when we love; we somehow lost it.

I am amazed at how falling in love can make you feel new. It’s wonderful when you get to lay your eyes on someone and suddenly, it gives you a rush of energy that you never thought you had. But in so many ways can tear you apart.

You know the feeling of the butterflies in your stomach? It’s clichè, right? How about the cold of your hands whenever you see him or her, the nervousness you feel when he or she’s around? My legs literally gets weak whenever i get the feeling that he’s around.The stutters when you talk? The changes in your voice or the different good way of treatment you have for him. Oh my. This is the phase of your life where you get insanely high? Without of course taking any weeds or booze or drugs. And yes, slowly I was falling in love, and fell into the thoughts of incorporating him in my future.

I don’t have many past relationships because things are not easy for me.I have lots of reasons, One is: I have high standards; the guy should be taller than me, pleasant looking and most importantly: God-fearing. I am one of the hundred thousand girls who would like to have God as the center of my relationships, whether in family, friendships and love. And Girls, you should never lower your STANDARDS just to have a love life. You will never be truly happy if you will only settle for that guy you just saw and met somewhere because it’s been a long while being single. Second: I was taking Architecture Program. I think it’s so hard to commit to something while I was studying an extraordinary course and I am not exaggerating. If I had a boyfriend maybe, he could not take me. The way I looked and smelled those days when I did my plates. I would not have time for him I’m sure of it because even I, had hardly any spared time for myself.Third: I commit to the choir, and that’s enough for me. It fulfilled me from the inside out. And that’s what complicates my life, My time is enough for me and my passion and that’s how hard it is for me to find someone I can share my life with.B eing with me alone, is not easy. 

Okay, so in my five years in college, I never had a boyfriend. I had two, in high school before but I think I can never count that in the serious category because being 15 slash 16 is entirely different now. But I must admit that I tried. Not once, not twice but quite a few times. In every guy, there’s an entirely different story. There’s this one guy I met at a bar; which is by the way a bi and gay. Alright, he tried courting me and I don’t have a problem with his sexual orientation as long as he proves me that he only wants me and no one else but it turned out that he was the one having problems with his own sexual orientation and I’m out. Then there’s this other boy in a networking company who happened to set his eyes on me but I found out that it was purely driven by lust. Oh. my. God. But I am not that type of girl. I don’t know what he saw, I am skinny and petite. I don’t really think there’s something to lust about me but my simplicity and besides, I also found out that he has a girlfriend and he is trying to make me his number two. Guys, really? I don’t even in the slightest bit deserve that so come on. I’m again, out in a second.Because girls, remember that true love is kind. And you will never ever deserve someone who offers you crappy feelings and lust. You. Deserve. More. Than. That. You deserve real love because Jesus died for you.

And lastly, there is this ‘friend’ who made me fall for him without the intention of catching me and my feelings and I ended up broken hearted. This one’s a hopeless case of a girl who fell inlove with pa-fall guys. In this story, I was the one to put the friendship at risk because I was the one who fell first. I actually thought we were mutual at first but that’s just what I thought. I confessed my feelings for him through a corny love letter. A love letter. Why didn’t I confess in person? It was because he has a hearing impairment which will make things harder for me and for him. Besides, I am really good at writing my feelings than saying it. But he turned me down, not once but twice. I was in fourth year college that time and it almost ruined me. I am good at things when I was in college but somehow, I shattered when he first turned me down. I lost my confidence somehow and I am having a hard time focusing on my major subject and I almost failed. Almost. Failed. I realized he was toxic for me and I needed almost a year to completely get over him because he was a friend. But I never get to save the friendship and I don’t really care. In this story, there was a moral. I realized a lot of things. I was blinded by my feelings and no matter how smart I think I was, it becomes useless when you let the feelings dominate you. You cannot force someone to like you back. There’s always a reason for unrequited love and you have to get out of it as soon as possible. If you stay in this kind of love, it is not love anymore, it’s worship.

Ask yourself this: Why would you want someone who never wants you? Is there any good in that?  

Guys and girls, take note of this: Love is patient. Be patient to wait for someone who deserves someone like you and the one you deserve. He or she is there. Trust these words, the one for you is just there; somewhere. Waiting for God’s right time. There’s a reason why these guys are never for me. And in those stupid days that I am into them, I may not realize why I can’t make things work out. But now I knew why.

I can’t work things out. You cannot force to work things out. If it doesn’t; then it probably won’t. This might be clichè also but in times you get hurt and blinded, do this: Breathe. Let go and let God. He has reasons. You might not know it yet but you will. Have that kind of faith.


If you are as young as me, don’t rush on having a love life. That’s unnecessary. That’s not important. You can live on your own for God’s sake. Love your family and yourself more. That’s easy as 1,2,3 if you believe God has something in store for you. Focus on living life more than dwelling in the aches. Do good things for yourself, because you deserve to give yourself the love you want from other people. You yourself can give it to yourself.

Have a great day ahead!

Achy Breaky Hearts, movie inspired blog entry

“Kamusta kayo?” tanong niya.

Tanong ng taong nagparaya para sa akala niya ikasasaya ko.

“Okay lang kami.” sabi ko naman, kahit hindi.

Ang totoo, hindi na kami naguusap. Lumayo na ko sa kanya kase mali. Mali na magsettle ako sa taong may mahal namang iba at hindi sigurado na magsesettle sa akin.

 

Katulad na katulad ng kwento ni Chinggay sa ‘Achy Breaky Hearts’ ang kwento ko, in a mild level nga lang.

 

Sa tagal ko na ding naghihintay, limang taon.

Ni hindi ko pa nga talaga alam kung paano talaga mainlove.

Ang dami ko na ding naipon na love sana na pwede kong ibigay sa taong gusto ko at mamahalin ko.

Pero mukhang hindi pa ito ang panahon.

May mga inaayos pa ako sa buhay ko, binubuo ko na ng mas matibay yung sarili ko para mas maging handa ako pagdating ng tamang tao.

Hindi nga kase daw sapat na mahal ko at mahal niya lang ako.

Kailangan parehas kaming maging handa sa lahat. Handang magmahal, handang masaktan, handang magsakripisyo.

Yung pagmamahal na hindi pinipilit, yun yata yung pinakamasarap na pakiramdam sa lahat. Yung unconditional, yun yung masarap pagsaluhan.

 

Nakakapanghinayang, oo. Sino ba naman yung hindi manghihinayang sa relationship na ang saya saya sana kaya lang parang may mali talaga. Yung alam mong hindi ka naman talaga magiging totally masaya.

 

Pero sabe nga nung nanay ni Chinggay, na pinakinggan ko talaga, kung nakaya niya na wala sila sa buhay nya sa loob ng matagal na panahon, kaya niya na wala sila ngayon. Na ang pinakamahirap mahalin ay ang mga taong naging single na ng matagal na panahon dahil buo na sila. Hindi nila talaga kailangan ng kabiyak.

 

Pero oo din naman, malungkot. Malungkot mag isa. Nakakasungit, pero madalas nakakaganda. Wala kang iniintinding iba, walang problema, walang sakit ng ulo, pero wala din namang nagaalala para sayo, nagcacare or concern kung nakauwi ka ba ng ligtas o kung naharang ka ng riding in tandem sa EDSA. Yung madalas kumain ng mag isa, at walang nagtatanong kung kumain ka na ba.

 

Pero minsan kase, kung kapalaran mo man mag isa, o mag isa ka muna ngayon, may dahilan talaga si Lord, sabe nga sa bible, maraming problemang kaakibat ang pag aasawa, yung mga hindi nakapag asawa ay inililigtas lamang ni Lord sa mga problema at alalahanin na yon. (1 Corinthians 7:28)

 

Pero baka naman nga, inihahanda ka pa lang ni Lord, pati ang lalaking makakatuluyan mo. Mas matagal na paghihintay para sa tamang tao, mas magiging magaan ang mga mahihirap na pagdadaanan niyo.

 

O baka natraffic lang, o nadaanan ka na, pero hindi pa lang talaga ito yung panahon dahil binibigyan ka pa ni Lord ng oras para sa sarili mo at sa priorities mo. Para pagdating niya, focus na kayong dalawa sa isa’t isa.

 

Hindi ba?

 

Ang sarap sa feeling ng may nagmamahal at minamahal. Mas magiging masaya kung mahal ka din naman ng mahal mo at the same intensity ang love niyo para sa isa’t isa.

 

Pero kung hindi pa ito, huwag na huwag mong ipipilit dahil kung nakalaan ay nakalaan bakit naman mauudlot? Huwag kang matakot, balang araw mayroon ding lalaban para sa atin.

 

Tayong mga babaeng mandirigma ng pagibig katulad ni Chinggay. Huwag kang susuko. Mas masaya kung mamahalin mo muna ang sarili mo, at pag nangyari na iyon, hindi ka na masyadong malulumbay.

 

Pwede kang maghintay, isa pang taon,2 years, 3 years and so on and so forth.

 

But most of all pray for yourself and for that person. Makilala mo man sya or hindi.

 

Young Love

I was young.

Without too much thoughts,

I loved you.

A love that was gentle and delicate.

A love that I don’t want to admit.

It was a love with innocence.

It was fearless, and reckless,

rebellious and foolish.

Yet without second thoughts,

you broke me.

In a shattered hour of supposedly great love,

you bravely torn me apart .

5 years passed me by.

I knew it was hard.

I was left empty and swollen,

from the cuts and bruise.

I forgot how it once felt.
But with each passing year,

you tried to come back to me

thinking maybe it was easy.

But it never was,

and never will be.


And then here I am.

made whole and full by the broken pieces,

am assembled better through faith

and was lifted up by the wings

of different kinds of love.


Here you are.

too much broken and shattered.

You let other women in your life like it was a reward.

But in every one of them,

a tiny piece of you

that you let them take with them and destroy.


Now you keep realizing things

when its too much late.

you keep coming back to me

hoping I’ll tend to you

and mend you

but i wouldn’t.

I don’t think I can.

I’m not all about foodtrips, and travels, and any material things. I’m all about kisses, sunsets, warm hugs, conversations, letters (the highest material thing I would really want) a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, you, basically you.

I love you and I need you and I want to be with you. And I want you to take my hand and walk me home. i want you to take me out on a date and go to places not familiar to us and be familiar to it together. I want us to drive aimlessly until we get tired and decide its time to head back. i want to talk to you all night and share the things that we value most. I want to wake up in your arms and never let go. I want to fight with you and be sweeter 30 minutes later. I want you. I want to be with you

.

-Things I write to no one in particular.